(Article by Leandie Buys – Relationship counsellor and clinical sexologist)
There are five common reasons a marriage fails. I have been a relationship counsellor and sex therapist for many years, and there are five common themes amongst the couples that I counsel
Identifying these five common reasons doesn’t mean that marriage is a bad thing. In fact, I believe in marriage. I also believe that most marriages can work, and are worth fighting for. All couples will go through tough times. There will be times were you and your partner don’t like each other much, or can’t even have a civil conversation with each other, but there will still be some underlying love… the reason you got together in the first place.
Over the years the ‘not liking each other’ can build up, and if the issues aren’t resolved, they can smother the love.
From a lack of an intimate connection to exclusive interests such as extreme sports or sex addiction, here are the five most common reasons that marriages fail
Here are the most common reasons that marriages fail:
1. Lack of intimacy and sex
In my practice, this issue has been the number one cause of divorce, or couples filing for divorce. I think if there was such a thing as a libido boosting pill for women, most of us would take it. Men usually have a higher libido than women, and this can often cause issues in relationships. (There are women who present with a higher libido than their male partner, but this is less common. However, the counselling and solutions would be similar.)
Often, the woman will come for therapy first. She will be convinced that there is something wrong with her, and that she is not being a ‘good wife’ or sexual partner for her husband. She will even have had her hormones checked to see if there is anything wrong. Usually, there is nothing out of balance.
As we continue through therapy, we will find that it is not her hormones that are the problem, but the relationship itself. Solving the issue usually requires the couple to come for counselling together. We then work through a programme specifically designed for couples with “desire discrepancy” – the term we use when one partner has a higher libido than the other.
I have had many many success stories based on this programme, and I’ve become convinced that lack of sex and physical intimacy doesn’t need to lead to divorce.