Last updated on Jan 15th, 2021 at 01:08 pm

Itâ??s the new year and youâ??re adamant that 2014 is not going to be yet another year filled with forgotten promises and slimming solutions.

This year you are going to shoot the lights out

You can imagine it already and youâ??re SO happy you kicked Mr Ex to the curb two days before Christmas.

The next 365 days are going to be filled with girlsâ?? nights out, after-work Cosmopolitans, random one night stands with hunky looking bartenders. All as part of your fabulous 2014 Sex And The City dream.

Before you rush off to buy a Carrie Bradshaw tulle skirt, letâ??s just do a quick reality check to make sure 2014 doesnâ??t end up making you feel like Bridget Jones before she met Colin Firth.

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The reality is that you donâ??t live in a swanky Manhattan apartment, there is no elusive Mr Big, none of your friends have uber trendy jobs with uber sexy bosses, and you donâ??t have three gorgeous girlfriends on speed dial ready and waiting for another over-the-top, terrific night out.

Instead you live in a complex in Lonehill (at least you have a garden unit), your ex is a fat, lazy beer-drinking Blue Bull fan, your friends are all married (or almost there) and the highlight of your social life is being invited to a braai on the weekend where you are the only single one or where Jacqueline â??canâ??t wait to introduce you to her (much) younger brother Jasperâ?.

Your All The Single Ladies dream may very well just remain a 2014 illusion if you donâ??t take these vital steps to force yourself off your beloved (recently purchased) Coricraft couch, away from your full DStv bouquet and out of your Haagen Daz chocolate chip bowl of ice cream on any given weekend?

In being fabulously single in 2014, you firstly need to get your attitude right so Iâ??m going to give it to you:

You are single BY CHOICE – (maybe not by your choice but who cares and who needs to know)

You are busy, interesting, highly driven and you just â??havenâ??t had the timeâ? to find someone special yet. Youâ??re in no rush and anything but desperate.

You love the freedom that being single brings you

Sure, one day youâ??ll settle down and all of that but for now you love being able to go for a glass of wine with the girls, go on dates, fly to Cape Town for the weekend to visit your sister and all of those fantastic things that a man just gets in the way of.

You enjoy dating and youâ??ve met wonderful guys but not anyone that blows your socks off (any man likes a challenge).

Once youâ??ve mastered your Sexy Single Girl attitude, you can start with the fun practical stuff but remember this:

Being single is not about finding a man. Itâ??s about getting your own life into a position where you are able to attract and keep the RIGHT man. This man needs to see that you are not desperate, that you have a wonderful life and that he is lucky to be a part of it.

Being single is not about finding a man. Itâ??s about getting your own life into a position where you are able to attract and keep the RIGHT man

Now, letâ??s get to work:

Go to gym

No-one said this was going to be easy. In order to attract someone, you need to look and feel your best. Exercise is an integral part of this process. The gym is also a great place to meet someone so make sure your gym track suit isnâ??t the same one you bought in January four years ago as part of another new yearâ??s resolution.

Update your wardrobe and flaunt it, girl

I understand how your favourite onesie or comfy Snoopy pyjamas are still the only clothes that can ever bring you true happiness, but sadly this love will not very likely be shared by another.

Whether youâ??re stepping out to buy groceries or attending a cocktail party, make sure you look Mr Perfect ready. We attract what we exude.

Expand your social circle to include new friends â?? not just potential boyfriends

You never know who your new friends may introduce you to and letâ??s face it, no-one is going to come and rescue you off your couch. Youâ??ll need to be out and about in order to meet other people. New friends mean new, interesting places and faces which beat Friday night chick flick specials.

Take up a new hobby, any hobby as long as it entails interaction with others

There are countless options here; running clubs, wine academies, photography courses, hiking groups, writing classes, art lessons.

Your objective is not to hunt down a man. It is to enjoy yourself and to fill your own life with fun and stimulating events

People are naturally drawn to interesting, exciting people and a man is no different. The more keenly you pursue activities, the broader your fields of interest become, which in turn contributes to making you an all-round fascinating and desirable woman.

Accept invitations and extend them

Youâ??re taking the steps to expand your social circle in joining hobby and activity groups and fitness clubs. Aim to develop friendships out of these encounters. If a new acquaintance invites you for a drink, lunch or even a family dinner â?? accept!

The final episode of Keeping up with the Kardashians in no reason to stay in. There are always reruns and of course PVR.

If invitations arenâ??t as forthcoming as youâ??d like them to be (Capetonians are especially guilty in this department), put yourself out there and extend your own. Invite a friend or two from your running club with someone youâ??ve met at your writing class to a dinner at your place. Make sure the food is simple and the wine is in abundance.

Join mailing lists

Clothing stores, beauty and hair salons, book shops and jewellery lines are continuously launching new products and hosting parties to do so. Attend everything. This is also the perfect opportunity to parade that new LBD.

Join a charity organisation

Exposing yourself to the challenges others face is a certain and positive way of shedding light and perspective on your own situation. To focus on the needs of others protects us from becoming overly self-involved and egocentric. There are so many charitable causes in which we can get involved to assist and provide comfort to those less fortunate.

Giving is often the most rewarding act of all.

Stay abreast of whatâ??s happening in your town or city

If youâ??re lucky enough to live in a city make sure you reap all the benefits that come with it. Itâ??s only fair that the city rewards you for putting up with traffic, protests and potholes. There is a wealth of opportunities for interaction all around you. You just need to figure out when and where.

These revelries may include art gallery openings or displays, pop-up picnics, black and white movie screenings or historical township visits. Subscribe to newsletters such as or to stay updated on everything that is being featured in and around your area.

If you donâ??t feel like going by yourself, invite a friend or one of your book club members to join you. Theyâ??ll appreciate the gesture and creative initiative to do something new and different.

Utilise your existing social circles

Phone a school friend (Facebook doesnâ??t count, weâ??re talking real conversation here), invite a neighbour over for a glass of wine, join your university Alumni, get involved in Friday after work drinks with colleagues and attend your high school reunion even if you donâ??t want to admit to yourself that itâ??s been that long.

Hopefully there youâ??ll run into a few ex classmates who will be a living example of how bad things could have turned out. Mean? Maybe. A little pick-me-upper, definitely!

Internet dating sites are not even a consideration for someone as awesome as you!

You are far too glamorous and amazing to have your face splashed all over the internet like a crazy cat lady desperate to have a man in her life. Internet dating sites are the playing fields for married men looking for sex, poor men looking for cash and desperate men looking for anything they can find.

Youâ??re in a different league

Rather join a Social Outsourcing service purely focused on the single person. An example of this is Meet Joburg. They organise and host several tailor-made events on a monthly basis for their members. These events include dine in the dark evenings, go kart racing, Christmas in July parties, games nights and cooking classes. No desperation, just style and sophistication.

Now you can celebrate 2014 by doing your â??All the single ladiesâ? booty shake and dancing your way to sexy single superstardom!

About the author:

Suzette Leal has three honours degrees in psychology and is co-owner of Meet Joburg, a unique dating platform for Professional singles in Johannesburg. To become a member, visit: and complete the application process. If successful, you will be invited to your first obligation-free event.