Sometimes lying is far kinder than telling the absolute truth
Little white lies wives tell their husbands, and lies in marriages, are part of life. It’s something we’d do well to embrace. The truth can be a very harsh thing indeed sometimes. I find that, with my husband, it’s often kindest to keep my lips sealed.
So here are the eight lies wives tell their husbands (some more white than others) to keep their marriage strong.
1. “The sex was mind-blowing”
There’s only so much you can ask of a woman with two kids and a demanding job. I’ll indulge my husband’s desire for moments of night-time intimacy, but I have to admit, I don’t enjoy it the way he does. It’s a “lie back and leave him to it” sort of situation.
It wasn’t always this way, but for me, right now, I’d rather be sleeping. Even doing laundry would be a better use of my attention! I don’t enjoy sex with him as much as I used to, but it makes him happy to believe he’s a real sexual dynamo, so I’ll let him keep believing it. Marital harmony is worth a few white lies about his sexual prowess.
2. “No, you haven’t gained weight”
My husband believes he is as slim as the day he met me. This is, of course, not the case, but we all have our foibles. We’ve both gained weight over the years. It’s perfectly normal and perfectly fine in my eyes. I love him the way he is and don’t care about the few extra pounds.
I’m working hard to shift my new baby weight, but my husband is not similarly motivated. Instead, he seeks constant reassurance from me that he is not overweight. He is! It’s obvious he is. But it spares his feelings when I tell him he isn’t overweight at all, and that’s the important thing.
The butterflies in my stomach when he looked into my eyes may have mostly fluttered away, but I still love him deeply and would happily spend every waking moment with him
3. “I still think you’re hot”
My husband is not the dashing young man I married anymore. Other people may find him the hottest thing on the planet, but I sure don’t anymore. I’m at peace with this. If he knew that, he wouldn’t be, but there’s no point telling him. It wouldn’t change anything and I’d only hurt his feelings.
The butterflies in my stomach when he looked into my eyes may have mostly fluttered away, but I still love him deeply and would happily spend every waking moment with him. So, of course, I tell him I still think he’s God’s gift to women. It’d be cruel to shatter his illusions.
4. “I loved the gift you gave me”
My husband does not make sound purchasing decisions. In fact, I can’t remember a single gift that has not been disappointingly sh*tty. It’s baffling to me that after having been married for so long he still doesn’t know my tastes at all.
All the same, it’s the thought that counts. My husband put thought into each gift, however wrong he may be, and the thought is what makes each gift meaningful. That’s what I appreciate most of all.
5. “I don’t mind you going out with friends”
Of course, I mind! My life would be so much easier if he could stay home to help with the kids. My morning would be a thousand times more pleasant if I did not have to deal with the hangover monster from hell. Inevitably, I tell him I am fine with him going out. I tell him I hope he has a good time. I tell him me and the kids won’t even notice he’s gone.
In his absence, I make dinner, do housework, and get the kids bathed and to bed. It’s not my ideal evening, but I know how important it is for my husband to get a chance to meet up with his friends. Evenings out are his chance to blow off steam, which helps keep our marriage working well long-term.
When I see my husband smile, it’s worth every little white lie
6. “No, those clothes are old, not new”
“What? Those old things? Noooo, I’ve had those for ages now. I just haven’t worn them yet.” The mantra of any secret shopper. Yeah, we’re usually a bit broke near the end of the month, but I really needed that handbag in black, and that dress for the work party. So, when they arrive all fresh and new, they get stuffed in the back of the wardrobe for safe keeping until enough time has passed to use the usual excuse!
If I tell him really how much I spent on that stuff (and that other stuff the other day), he’d be annoyed at me, it would cause an argument, and for the sake of our marriage, I’d rather bend the truth a little.
7. “I love your cooking”
No I don’t, it tastes like crap. My food tastes (and looks) so much better. But it means that when you cook, I don’t have to, and that is one of the things I appreciate in life. Anything that time is a plus in my book, even if I do have to take out the bits of raw garlic and praise you for your culinary skills that rival a Master Chef finalist.
I think we all have little secrets our spouses are better off not knowing, and I’m sure they have them, too
8. “I am all for your new job”
“Awesome, a pay raise. Go you, I’m so proud of you!” But for me, that’s where the pluses end. The commute is longer, we’ll have to change our school run routine, and the nursery school near his work, and he’ll miss bedtime for both kids five nights a week. Not to mention the countless times he’ll be even later than normal because the trains will inevitably be delayed. Then there’s the Friday after work drinks where he probably won’t give us a thought whilst he downs a pint during happy hour.
But I’m not going to mention any of that because it’s his life and his career goals that he’s striving towards and that’s really important to him. He has worked so, so hard to get to where he is, and I would be the worst wife in the world to get in the way of that. It will just take some adjusting for all of us, but I can spend the extra money on more stuff.
Sometimes lying is far kinder than telling the absolute truth, but only the little things. Obviously, I am not condoning anything more sinister than the above. When I see my husband smile, it’s worth every little white lie. I think we all have little secrets our spouses are better off not knowing, and I’m sure they have them, too.
Article by Lucy Clarke. This article originally appeared on YourTango.