Do you find yourself easily moaning about your child? Do you tend to see most of the things your child does as ‘wrong’? Would you like to be more uplifting and encouraging towards your child?
As parents, when we want the best for our children, we may tend to succumb to the habit of pointing out their faults in the effort to make them perfect or ‘better’. While the intention comes from a place of good, the result can be limiting.
In every moment lives a choice
You can release yourself from limiting habits by making a conscious choice to do so. By creating successful stories for you and your child, you empower the future for both of you.
We all see the world around us in different ways, we all have different views. These views are based on our perception. When we perceive that we are being more supported than challenged, then we relax; when we perceive that we are being more challenged than supported, we become alert and react as we would in a case of danger.
When we are stressed, our blood supply goes to our most primitive part of our brain and when we are relaxed our blood supply goes to the more evolved part of our brain. This is fact.
The message here is that the more we feel that our child is challenging us, the more we respond to her/him from our subconscious, with our own habits and belief systems.
By creating successful stories for you and your child, you empower the future for both of you
The power of gratitude
Gratitude is one of the biggest healers on planet earth. Dr. John Demartini, human behaviour specialist and author of Inspired Destiny explains that gratitude shortens the wavelength of emotions.
When one is mindful then one has the ability to stop automatic reactions as they happen and immediately ask: ‘What is the blessing in this?’
If you dig really deep enough, you will eventually find many, many blessings that are often hidden by our misperceptions.
For example, imagine your child is really pushing your buttons. Looking with clear perspective at the situation, you may see that through this experience you are practising patience.
Perhaps you have been challenged to create new strategies and so you have grown and developed as a parent, or maybe the result of your frustration is a change in routine or environment which is benefiting everyone.
When one realises the benefits of each situation, gratitude follows, and from here, parenting with grace is possible.
“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”
Manage your mind
Our words can shift the way we see and think about people and situations.
If you are caught in negative thinking patterns about your child or yourself, try looking for the flip side by using this equilibration exercise:
1. Write down three things about your child that you often react to.
2. Write down how you perceive this action or trait.
3. Now, write down an alternate way of looking at each.
For example, a child who is slow could also be seen as one who experiences each moment fully, or when a child is loud we can perceive him/her as being assertive.
4. Repeat the above exercise on yourself.
As Dr. Wayne Dyer so aptly reminds us: “When you change the way you look at things the things you look at change”.
Let us have the courage to transform our perspective of our children and assist them to shine with their true colours.
About the author
Helen Hansen is a Transformational Facilitator and Professional Kinesiologist with expertise in Developmental Psychology and Early Childhood Development. She specialises in facilitation for parents, children and families. Contact her at [email protected]