Agony Aunt Annie offers advice to a heartbroken male reader in this week’s column.

Dear Annie

I think that you probably get most of your letters from women, but as a guy I am not afraid to ask for help and where better to find out about women than in a women’s magazine?

I was in a relationship with someone for four years

She broke it off and I have been devastated as I really thought that she was the one for me. She said that we had grown in different directions and didn’t have anything in common anymore.

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I am at varsity and I am 21 now. I went onto a dating site because this break-up is really messing with my head. I met a wonderful girl who is 18 years old and in her final year of school.

We chat all day, every day and I am head over heels in love with her. She is absolutely perfect. It seems that she feels the same way. In fact I am her first true love. Gone are the depressive thoughts of my break-up and I seem to have a new energy and purpose.

Everything went well for three months

As we have got closer she has revealed more of herself. She had a pretty messed up childhood. Last week she said that she wanted to tell me something but she was afraid that it would change how I felt about her.

I told her that she can tell me anything and my feelings for her would not change. Then she dropped the bomb. She has lied about her age and is actually only 15 years old! She is only in grade 10 at school.

She has lied about her age and is actually only 15 years old! She is only in grade 10 at school

I don’t know what to do. I love her, told her that wouldn’t change and now I discover her age. She says that in years to come our age difference won’t matter, so why should it now?
Please help me! I don’t want to lose her but how can I date a 15-year-old?
Alex

Dear Alex

Thank you for your letter. Although men generally don’t stop to ask for directions, I am really pleased that you look for advice when you need it!

My first question is: Have you seen her in real life or is this relationship trapped in cyberspace?

You think that you have met your ideal girl and you are head over heels. If we read the same book and imagine the scene in our heads, I am sure that we would paint very different pictures of the scene, according to how we would prefer to imagine it.

You are reading a romantic script that she writes to you every day

You go ahead and fill in the visuals, tone and nonverbal body language that currently only exist in your imagination. You have seen pics of her. Are you sure they are of her? Have they been Photoshopped?

She is hardly going to post her bad-hair-day pics on her profile. She lied about her age. What else has she lied about?

Your ex broke up with you after a four-year relationship because you had both grown and in different ways. Think back to your 17-year-old self and consider how different that is to your 21 year-old self. You are now officially a legal adult.

That middle-aged man… Oops I mean that young girl… that you are in love with is telling you that she is a child.

If all the rest that she has told you is in fact true, think of how much change and growth she will go through before she gets to your age.

As for an intimate relationship, not only would her dad think that is wrong, but the law thinks that it’s wrong too.

As for an intimate relationship, not only would her dad think that is wrong, but the law thinks that it’s wrong too

You broke up after a long-term relationship and instead of taking the time to grieve and ugly cry, you medicated yourself with a new romance.

Are you ready for a new relationship? The fact that everything is perfect should ring bells for you. No, not wedding bells, alarm bells.

You have been filling in the blanks with your imagination and if you’re doing that, you may as well make it a perfect fantasy.

Perhaps it’s time for you to get a library season card instead of club passes. Spend some time being single, and healing. When you are ready, you will meet the right girl, by which I mean an adult, and although I can guarantee that she will not be perfect, she will be perfect for you.

You are beautiful!
Love and blessings
Annie