Agony Aunt Annie offers advice to a reader who wants to swap her boyfriend for his (much) hotter brother …

Hi Annie

I am sixteen and I have never had a boyfriend. Finally a guy in my class asked me out. He is quite a popular guy and I know that my best friend would jump at the chance to date him.

We have been seeing each other for three months now and are Facebook official. My parents really like him and all my friends get on well with him. Everyone seems to like him.

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Actually everyone seems to like him more than I do. He is great but I am not in love with him. The problem is the guy that I really want to be with, I can only spend time with when I am with my boyfriend.

I want to be with his older brother

We get on so well and he teases and flirts with me all the time. Sometimes he says when I tire of little boys and want to be with a real man, I should give him a call. I am ready to do that. I would like my first time to be really meaningful and I know it will be if it is with him.

I don’t want to hurt my boyfriend and my family will not approve as he is 28

He also has a lot of tattoos and rides a motorbike. Even though he seems rough around the edges he is very interesting and we chat about music and high school and things high school girls get up to. He respects that I don’t smoke or drink and even though he does, he never pushes me to.

Last week I was over at their house and we were watching a movie. My boyfriend’s cousin needed some help with his computer. My boyfriend is a whizz with computers. I said that I was fine to stay and watch the movie until he got back.

No one else was home, but his older brother. I went to hang out with him. He had been drinking quite a lot. He asked me if I had slept with his brother and then he started suggesting all the things that he would do if he was going out with me.

He obviously has feelings for me too and now I want to break up with my boyfriend and be with him but I don’t know how to go about it with not hurting my boyfriend and getting around my parents. Do you have any suggestions?

Thank you
Angie

Dear Angie

Thank you for your letter. It is really tough negotiating teenagedom, social groups and boyfriends. Many girls feel that they won’t fit in if they don’t tick all the right boxes, like having a boyfriend.

It sounds like your boyfriend is just a boy friend and it is not fair to keep Facebook official when you know that he is just better than no boyfriend. It sounds like your best friend may have a crush on him and she may not just see him as a glorified bookmark – a place keeper on your social status calendar.

Now about big brother

Oh dear. Not much better than the TV show I am afraid. This man is your daddy’s worst nightmare! He will warm to him about as much as the country loves Zuma. In fact if it was a choice between you dating him or Zuma your daddy may have a hard choice to make. Yes, it’s THAT bad.

Older brother’s intense feelings for you can be allocated in one part of his anatomy only … about 40 cm down from his heart.

This is not first-time material. He will treat you like you are a wine taster, swirl you around and spit you out. He sounds like a lecherous, drunk, good for nothing who is probably accustomed to taking whatever he wants, even from his brother.

This is not first-time material. He will treat you like you are a wine taster, swirl you around and spit you out

Intimacy with this guy is not second time, third time, or even I have lost count of times, material. You will feel used, abused and very stupid for thinking that he cared for you with any part of his anatomy above his waist. I guarantee that he is thinking of hook-ups and certainly not dating or even being seen in public with you.

If you need to put this to the test, after you have resolved your boyfriend/boy friend issue, ask older brother to go out with you somewhere, somewhere where people go, and stay, fully clothed.

Don’t be with a guy for the wrong reasons

Relax, have friends, have fun. Decide what your worth and value is and don’t throw your pearls before swines.

You are beautiful!

Love and blessings
Annie